Why We’re Not Getting Engaged This Christmas

So, you all know by now we’re busy planning our second visit this Christmas, and I can’t wait, because we’re going to see the Northern Lights! It’ll be amazing! But ever since we invited my Mum to join us, we’ve been asked multiple times if it’s because we’re getting engaged.  We’re not (yet).

My ridiculous love and excitement over snow has come from my Mum, who has gone on about how she wants to travel and have a white Christmas and see Santa’s village my whole life – and her whole life, which is now 60 years. When we learnt Johan would be moving so far up north, how could we pass up the opportunity of doing all the touristy things up there when it’s almost right next door? We’d be silly not to. And so we decided to invite my Mum too, on her 60th birthday at the start of the year, and the first question was, “Are you getting married?!”  Surprised, my response was something like, “Uh, no, we just think you’ve waited long enough for your first white Christmas, and how guilty would I feel if I didn’t at least invite you to the NORTHERN LIGHTS?”  And so every time the conversation is bought up, it’s now: “Are you getting engaged?” ; “Are you sure you’re not getting engaged?”; “You must be.”

As magical and as perfect as it would be to have a proposal under the Northern Lights (and there’s still every chance Johan could surprise me out of the blue and I could be writing this for nothing, because of course I have no idea when that day will come), we’re not ready.  We’re not getting engaged yet because we’re not ready to get married.  Johan is studying; I’ve just finished my first year of fulltime work… our adult lives seem like they are just beginning!  We’ll have been together three years, and that seems like a very long time when you’re at the start of your relationship.  However, the difference is that we’ve barely had time to do all the silly things boyfriends and girlfriends do together.  Add up all of the hours we’ve spent video-calling each other and we’ll have spent months and months together, but in person, we’ll have spent under two months.  Until, of course, after the visit, then we will have been about 10 weeks physically in each others company out of 165.

We have no doubt of our love and the future we want to have together, and a ring isn’t going to change that.  It may tell the world, but it’s something we already know ourselves.  Some people have shorter dating periods, some people have longer, and ours will likely be longer.  We want to get engaged at our own pace, and when we are financially ready, so we can afford and plan our wedding (and I don’t even want to think about that with the situation of two large families in two continents across the globe).  But there’s more to it than that.  I want to be able to walk around hand-in-hand with my fiancé.  That’s something we can’t do when we’re still separated by distance.  Besides, there’s no need to rush.  We have the rest of our lives ahead of us.

That said, we already have our honeymoon destination picked out.


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